On ambition

I recent went to a workshop/conversation called ‘How do you relate to your own ambition?’, with the co-author of Return on Ambition, Nicolai Tillisch. The invitation to join came from an organisation that does interesting thinking in the coaching world so I was drawn to find out more. At the same time, I was conscious that something was happening in me - not quite hackles rising, not quite flesh creeping, not quite gut churning, but definitely a little….squirmy - with the word ‘ambition’. I take that as a fairly firm sign that there’s something for me to explore in this space.

In coaching conversations, we often see the side-effects of ambition - burnout, ‘success’ not turning out to be fulfilling despite the sacrifices, regrets that important aspects of life have been neglected. The concept of ‘frenemies’ was a useful framing of some of the aspects where it can be helpful to pull back some layers and look at some of the inherent polarities. For example: one of the seven frenemies, perseverance, can be both “The ability to go the extra mile and complete challenging tasks, even when you’re overloaded . . . or to exhaust yourself frequently and burn out.” You can see the other six and their dualities on their website.

Some reflections

The power of language. Ambition or ambitiousness is a shorthand word, with myriad layers formed by childhood experiences, parenting, cultural and gender expectations. We owe it to those we listen to to understand what they’re really saying when they say “I’ve always been ambitious”. 

Question: what do you understand by the word ‘ambitious’? What emotions does it evoke in you?

Sometimes we’re well served by ‘creative ambiguity’ where it might allow for momentum and progress, but there will often come a crunch point where clarity and deeper understanding is essential for the progress to be maintained and developed.

Question: what areas of your ambition are creatively ambiguous at the moment?

I’m curious to explore what aspects of ambition are explicit and implicit. A high-flyer may declare themself ambitious in their career - looking for what will get them to the next phase or pinnacle of their industry - but equally describe ambitious expectations of the role they want to play within their relationships and family. What language allows these to be examined as ‘ambitions’?

Question: what are you ambitious for in the different domains of your life?

The role of power is bound up in the word ambition. As we work through the polarities embedded in the ‘Frenemies’ concept, how might we understand where the push-pull of power and identity lie?

Question: if you were to let go of ambition, what power might you relinquish? 

What is the difference between dreams and ambitions? What is different about an aspiration or about a goal? For me, the key distinction is somewhere in the realm of I try not to do things that might get in the way of my dreams, but I more intentionally work towards my ambitions. I might have dreamed of playing Glastonbury but would I have described it as an ambition? Possibly, but it feels distinctly different.

I’m interested in how we work to moving beyond setting goals to getting clear on the fundamental principles that underpin how we will define a successful and meaningful life. 

Question: what principles are you trying to live by that span all domains of your life? 

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore some of the ideas further as they apply to your work, get in touch.

Book suggestion: Nicolai Chen Neilson and Nicholi Tillisch Return on Ambition